The Akatsuki's Day Off
by Shika-Kiba
Summary: What will each Akatsuki member do with free time? The answer might surprise you. Each chapter will be a different person. Alright, let's get it started, FadingScars style!
1. Introduction

**AN: This is NOT yaoi. If that's what you're looking for, look elsewhere because you won't find it here. Also, this is before any of the Akatsuki died. Orochimaru already left, so it's just Pain, Konan, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Tobi, Diedara, Sasori, Kisame, and Itachi.**

It was an incredibly peaceful day as the infamous Akatsuki rose from their slumber. Some thought they trained all day; others believe that they kill people for fun in their spare time. Neither of these are correct. Today, we're going to find out what really happens on the Akatsuki's Day Off.

* * *

><p>Diedara was the first to wake up in the Akatsuki hideout. He was always a morning person, and because of this, he tended to "accidentally" wake up everyone else in the hideout.<p>

Diedara sat up in bed and stretched his arms, yawning. "What a beautiful day," he thought aloud. "This is the perfect day to form some exploding clay."

Diedara heard a groan on his left side.

"Good to see you're up, Sasori, my man," Diedara said to the young man in the bed next to his.

"You fool. I asked once nicely for you not to call me that. It sounds like we're dating, and to be honest, you sound like a fag," said Sasori of the Red Sand.

"Harsh, coming from someone who is legally homosexual," Diedara countered.

"Eh. Touché," Sasori muttered. Diedara could tell he was too groggy to put up a fight this early in the morning.

"Well, since I was so rudely awakened, I might as well go clean my puppets," Sasori said, breaking the silence.

"You do that. Hn," he added his own personal noise.

"I hate it when you do that…" Sasori grumbled.

"And that's why I do it, Sasori-kun!" Diedara said with a wink.

"You're really starting to send me the wrong message… I'm leaving." And with that, Sasori stormed out of their room.

"I hate the 'Roommate' system Konan came up with…" Diedara said. "But, at least I didn't get stuck with a freak."

He slipped on his shirt (Diedara always had a habit of sleeping shirtless) and went downstairs to get some breakfast.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, Nagato sat up quickly in bed.<p>

'…Oh, good. It was only a dream…' he thought.

Konan had noticed him stir. She had been awake for a while. "Nagato, is something wrong?" she asked, truly feeling concerned.

"No, it's fine. It was just a dream," Nagato answered. "Can you believe we, the Akatsuki, have absolutely nothing planned for today? It's the first day in ages we've had a free day."

"I cannot believe it, but I won't complain," Konan said with a small but whole-hearted grin.

"I need to use today to rest. My body has become more and more fatigued over the years…" Nagato continued, popping his back, knuckles, ankles, wrists, and neck. "I'm afraid I may develop arthritis."

"Arthritis is something we can heal. I think you're developing Old Man syndrome," Konan said, this time with a chuckle. Nagato noticed she was in a rather good mood.

"Could be, could be," he said with a grin. "I'm going to rest, tell the others not to bother me."

"Will do. Would you like me to bring you any food or perhaps a drink of water?" Konan asked.

"I think I'm fine for now. I'll just send one of the Pains to get it if I need anything urgent," Nagato joked.

"Ha ha, okay. I'll wake you for dinner. I'll make my leave now," Konan said. She exited their room and met Diedara downstairs for breakfast.

* * *

><p>"Hm hm hm hm… La la la la!"<p>

'Argh,' Zetsu thought to himself. Tobi had woken him up with his unreasonably loud humming. Again.

"Tobi… I told you yesterday and the day before that. I need my sleep, so you are not allowed to wake me up," Zetsu said to the masked one.

"But Zetsu-!" Tobi said, making the last "U" sound carry. "It's my favorite song!"

"If I'm not mistaken, you've woken me up by humming that blasted song for the past 48 days in a row. What's worse is that it is the same song every day."

Zetsu's voice sounded strained, as if he was trying very hard not to eat Tobi right now.

"I like this song though! It's called Blue Bird!" Tobi pleaded.

"Sounds very positive. It also could sound mellow, with a hint of happiness," Zetsu concurred.

"Exact-"

Tobi was cut off by Zetsu. "I hate those feelings," Zetsu nearly growled into Tobi's mask.

Tobi made an unusually loud gulping noise.

He sprinted out of the room. The gracefulness factor was very low; compared to a swan, Tobi looked like the Incredible Hulk in elegance.

Zetsu merely chuckled to himself. Which, knowing Zetsu, was quite possible for him.

* * *

><p>In the kitchen, Diedara was eating a bowl of Trix cereal. At the head of the dinner table (or in this case the breakfast table) was Konan, eating her eggs she scrambled herself. Sasori was on her other side nibbling on some toast. Continuing on, Kakuzu was eating a weird sort of fruit. Hidan was sitting next to him but he was reading the daily newspaper.<p>

On Diedara's other side sat Tobi, who was noticeably trembling. They all assumed it had something to do with Zetsu.

After most people were done with their breakfasts, Kisame and Itachi walked over and sat down.

"What took you guys so long?" asked Diedara.

"We had to sleep a little longer than usual. We had some mad sex last night that really tired us out," Kisame answered.

Everyone at the table sighed.

"Forget I asked…" Diedara muttered.

"He's kidding," Itachi said, smacking a grinning Kisame upside the head. "We were just practicing chakra exercises last night."

A murmur rose from the table. When it quieted down, all the noise was gone except for the rustling of cutlery and paper.

"As you may have heard, today is the day nothing is planned," Konan began. "Therefore, you are all free to do whatever pleases you. Be back by 9:00."

Everyone stood up and left the table, most walking off in different directions.

Konan sighed. It was going to be a long day.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, guys, how do you like it? For the next chapters, I'll do each person's day off per chapter. I'll be sure to make it detailed and such! I'll be more likely to continue this story if it gets reviews, so, you know what to do.<strong>

**Until next time… Enjoy!**

**Please check out my profile, just a short click on my name :) Bye!**


	2. Deidara's Day Off

**AN: Since Pain is doing nothing but sleeping all day, I'm skipping him. Sorry for all you Nagato fans out there :( First up is my favorite, Deidara. By the way, anything that seems close to a copyrighted object will be changed.**

_Current Time: 11:00_

Deidara got up out of his seat at the breakfast table.

'What should I do on my day off… hn…' he thought to himself.

Suddenly he got an idea. Deidara's marvelous idea was to videotape a video diary! He would post it on TouYube later.

'I don't really know what to talk about… I guess I'll vent my feelings towards Itachi,' the clay user thought. He went into his room and grabbed his Dokak brand camera and hit "Record."

"Um… hey there, all you TouYubers. I decided to continue my video diary series. Let me start by saying… Itachi can kiss my ass. That stupid Sharingan scares me!

"Also, if you like Itachi, you're dead to me," Deidara spoke into the camera.

"Ooh! My roommate, Sasori, just walked in! Come say hello, Sasori!"

Sasori walked over to the camera. "…Hello." He then turned away. "I just came in to get my poison for my puppets… I'll be leaving."

Sasori grabbed a small glass jar and swiftly left the room.

"Well, screw him. If he was gonna interrupt my video he should have said sorry. Oh well! I noticed some of my fans wrote some letters from my previous diary entry," Deidara said. He picked up a box filled with all sorts of colorful envelopes. He pulled out a blue one.

"This one says 'From Louis'. 'Dear Deidara,'" he began. "'Hi! My name is Louis. This is the first letter I've ever written to a celebrity.' Louis, you think I'm a celebrity? You're awesome, hn!" Deidara then continued. "'I would be extremely honored if you were to read this on your show. My birthday is June 2nd.'" Deidara checked his calendar.

"Hey Louis, today happens to be your birthday, hn! Everyone wish Louis a Happy Birthday! Let me read the rest of the letter. 'Anyway, I hope you're doing okay! Bye Dei-Dei! **[Pronounced Day-Day] **From, Louis.' Aww how kind, Louis! I-"

Deidara lost connection. His camera's battery had run dry.

_Current Time: 12:00_

"…Aw, (Insert stream of cuss words here)!" **[Use your imagination ;D]**

'Ugh, I didn't even get to finish, hn,' Deidara thought.

It was only 11:00AM. Today was going to be a long day.

"Since Konan said I could do whatever I want, I think I'm going to go terrorize the leaf village."

And so Deidara went, off to the leaf village to frighten the townsfolk.

_Current Time: 2:00_

After walking for what seemed like forever, Deidara finally arrived at the detested leaf village. The only real reason he hated it was because Itachi originated from this village.

"The townspeople will thank me later, since I don't plan on killing any of them. I'll kill them later, when I have an actual mission," Deidara said.

He ran through the front gate, only to nearly run full force into Hidan.

**[I'm letting you guys use your imagination by thinking up your own swear words! Have fun (: They will be marked by (***) ]**

"YO, DEIDARA, WHAT THE (***) ARE YOU (***) DOING HERE?" Hidan asked.

Deidara, used to Hidan's foul mouth, answered with "I was going to terrorize the leaf village, duh!"

"WELL I WAS (***) HERE FIRST, YOU (***) (***) (***) SON OF A (***) MOTHER (***)…

**[ I'm skipping ahead about 3 hours… ]**

"…(***) YOU, DEIDARA!"

Deidara just sighed. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Hidan.

"How about we just terrorize it together?" Deidara asked.

"THAT'S A (***) (***) GREAT IDEA, (***)!" Hidan said.

"Um… why are you still yelling?" Deidara questioned.

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE VOICES IN MY HEAD! SPEAK UP!" Hidan answered.

Deidara sighed and yelled "NEVERMIND."

_Current Time: 5:30_

They slowly walked into the leaf village.

Deidara walked casually into the Academy with Hidan not far behind.

"Oh, hi – Iruka, is it? – I'd like to enroll my precious little child *motions to Hidan* in your famous education department I've heard so much about," Deidara said.

Said chunin, however, just stood frozen in shock.

"Y-You're… you guys are the Akatsuki! Those robes, there's no doubt about it!" Iruka yelled.

"Someone get the Fifth!" "I need backup!" "Go get Kakashi!"

Random yells were heard throughout the halls. The two robed figures, however, just stood there with a confused expression plastered on their faces.

"DADDY I JUST WANTED TO LEARN!" Hidan yelled.

"I'm sorry, son! I've failed you!" Deidara answered.

Two Body Flicker techniques later, they were standing just outside the Academy.

Deidara and Hidan looked at each other, and then burst into a fit of laughter. Deidara wiped a tear from his eye.

"That was awesome…" Deidara said in between giggles…

Then, in unison they said… "LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!"

_Current Time: 6:00_

Another Body Flicker technique later, the two were standing in the center of town. Thanks to Deidara's clone technique, they were also Henged. **[Henged, for those of you that don't know, is a technique usually used when making clones to disguise them. So basically Hidan and Deidara look nothing like themselves.]**

They immediately took on the roles of the leaf village's villagers.

"AHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP! I HAVE TWELVE CHILDREN!" Diedara yelled.

"MOTHER, I'M YOUR ONLY CHILD!" Hidan yelled back.

They both then released their chakra and un-Henged themselves, returning to their normal state.

"GOTCHA!" They said at the same time, making a senior citizen pass out. A motherly figure screamed.

"That was fun, Hidan, but I'm done. See ya!" Deidara said.

"I'm not! HAHAHA!" Hidan yelled as he jumped in front of two small children. Deidara merely sighed, made a hand sign, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

_Current Time: 6:30_

Deidara appeared about 10KM away from the leaf village.

"That was fun. I'm surprised we weren't attacked," he said to himself. "Oh well, better start heading back towards the hideout…"

_Current Time: 8:30_

'Whew, just barely made it back before 9:00, like Konan said,' Deidara thought to himself. 'But… I have a few minutes…'

Evil thoughts danced inside Deidara's head for a split second before he decided on his victim's demise.

The victim? Sasori-kun.

The demise? You will soon find out.

Konan's voice was heard throughout the hideout: "Dinner's ready! If you're not present, I'm assuming you're late! And if you're late…" She chuckled. "Pain's going to release his fury!"

Deidara crammed himself inside Hiruko, Sasori's favorite puppet.

"It's only a matter of time now…" Deidara said to himself.

Just then he heard the footsteps of his roommate, rival, and friend, Sasori.

"Where did I put my cell phone…" Sasori mumbled to himself.

The closet doors opened.

"BOO!" Deidara popped out of Hiruko and jumped on top of Sasori.

"I got you, Sasori-kun!" Deidara said with a giggle.

"(***), you scared the (***) out of me!" Sasori yelled.

"Hn, you always were easily scare able. Now let's head downstairs, dinner's ready.

The two walked down the stairs.

_Current Time: 9:00_


End file.
